I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
