I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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