I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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