she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize