You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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