I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
