Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
