just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Two words: blizzard sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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