Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
