filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
