were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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