PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
