im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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