Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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