Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
