We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
