Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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