Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
