1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
