chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
