Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
