He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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