it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you inspire me to be a worse person
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
