What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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