Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
