I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
