i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
