Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize