I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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