i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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