I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm too high and old for this...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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