she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We got so high we made milksteak
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
