she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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