I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
