Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
