I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
