I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
