Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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