well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
