Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
