I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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