dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
