Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
