DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
