tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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