Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
