does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
