Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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