I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
