Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
