your room smells of hookers.
And success
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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