Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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