My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
