I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
