her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
