you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
