he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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