just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize