how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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