Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
