I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
