So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
