My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
