We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
