do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
