I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
