and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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