soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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