Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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