If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
