Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
