So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
