I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
