are you still at the devil's house?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
