Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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