and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
