i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
