He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His nipple licking is glorious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
