My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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