Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
