She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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