Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
