when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
